Driving 101. Funny post. :D

First of all I think all Kancils should remain in the jungle instead of the roads for reasons such as

Too much "awesome" power, and the ability to generate false hope when people finding parking.

Anyway, after a gruesome 2 month process of trying to acquire my driving license I finally passed my final JPJ on Wednesday! So that means I can take to the road and not worry about getting stopped by the mata.( which means cops in Chinese. )

Well that would be the my second thing that would bother me anyway. The first being well, not driving into the following.

a) Cars
b) Trees
c) Parits
d) Animals disguised as orange plastic bags (such as Fabi)

Failure to drive properly will result in excessive screaming, broken bones and/or wraith of The Parents.

Anyway, just for anyone who doubted me I never bribed the guy. Not one sen. I merely seduced him with my boyish charms. No, really. Belle told me to show some skin. That probably wouldn't have worked.


So yeah this is what happened on the day of my JPJ test. My instructor was supposed to tell me what time was my session starting. Either 8.30am, 11am or 2pm. In those sessions there's turns that we gotta take.

See, the shitty thing is my instructor didnt know what time was mine so I had to go in the morning to check. So we checked.

Session 1.. hmm nope. Session 2.. No? That must mean.. Session 3.. Fuck.

So yeah. I was there from 8.30am till 4pm. Well, it wasn't ALL THAT BAD. It was JUST 5 hours anyway. I mean. I got to stare into the distance horizon overlooking trees and people burning stuff. Ahhh productive.

But anyway I had my iPod running Pop Shuvit's Marabahaya on repeat thanks to Jun's advice and having the company of 7 people trying their very best to stop me from shitting bricks. Trust me, it was scary and I was nervous as hell. The hours were excruciatingly painful.


Thankfully, I had a friend who was coincidentally taking it with me that day too so we we're keeping each other company. We were in this hall and they started first by announcing the ones who had to retake. Damn was that embarrassing.

There was this one lady who failed her parking. Failed twice. D: I witnessed that when I was waiting for my turn.

Then it came. My turn. I got into the car, The Kancil With The Springy Clutch, and..

BZZZ. Engine died. "This is a bad sign."


The first was the Bukit. I dreaded this one. I read stories where there were people who made the wheels spin and smoke started coming outta the exhaust and it just flew of the ramp almost hitting the JPJ guy.

Thankfully I did it in one go. YAY. The parking was okay I guess.


Moving on to the actual test. There was this guy, big, bald, huge beard, thick sunglasses. I was thinking to myself "Fail already la." then suddenly he went out for break and I got into another car which had a decent looking guy.

I got in the car and as soon as I started the engine BZZZZ engine died.

JPJ guy said "Satu kali mati."

I shat my pants.

I continued on and I realized that I didnt check my signals and wiper.

Then I went to this persimpangan and engine died the second time.

"Dua kali. Lepas ni u tau la apa jadi."


I continue driving on and I made a few mistakes. I was at the traffic light and I just had my feet pressed against the clutch. I thought it was gonna be a quick traffic light so I didnt bother with the handbrake. Big mistake there. And another when I was changing lanes. I had to put the left then right signal and I was SUPPOSED to leave it on the right. Which I didnt.

Got scolded again. Then my engined died. AGAIN. "Tiga kali. Kenapa ni?"


Now this was where I was supposed to do 2 more U turns and then take the long way in. He said "X paya. You pegi straight je pastu balik."

I was like Thats it. I'm screwed. Failed. Engined DIED AGAIN.

On the way back he asked me how many times it died. He didnt hear the forth one but I told him 4 times. He was saying stuff like where I learned from and how long. Then he said I could try again another time or something.

I almost cried. I was like "Maaf tuan, ya tuan, ya tuan, maaf tuan." and what not the whole time. I was extremely emo at that time. Then he said I could drive good but only problem was the clutch. Then he asked if the car had a problem.

"x tuan. saya yang salah. saya yg x betul."

Then just before we turned in he said "Aiya, x pe la. Saya bagi kamu pass je la. Tapi u baiki skit you punye driving"


I couldn't explain how relieved and happy I felt at that moment.

Proceeded to tell everyone on how I cheated death and passed.

SO NOW I CAN DRIVE BABEH!

-J